I love stories. My perfect Sunday afternoon would be sitting somewhere in the sun, a cup of tea, and a good book in hand. Here I share some of the stories from my life and loves.
I wrote the following post a couple of months ago and it’s sat in draft ever since. Something didn’t feel quite right and I was waiting to tweak it. But last week I read Spencer Lum’s (of Ground Glass) blog post about turning up the volume in the pictures vs. turning up the volume in people’s hearts. His idea is that there’s what you capture in a photo, then there’s how your photo makes someone feel. It reminded me of the post that I had written and I was inspired to finish it and publish it.
“If you feel it in your heart, it will show on the screen”
A few days ago I watched an interview of a Chinese actor who I have recently been following, and something he mentioned has stayed with me since. In the first movie he acted in, the director, Zhang Yimou (who is well known by Chinese audiences around the world) said to him, “If you feel it in your heart, it will show on the screen.”
A very simple sentence, but the idea behind it is not so simple.
Some time after, I realized why his words made me stop to think. Ever since I first decided to photograph weddings and people, it has been the burning question in the back of my mind somewhere: Is it possible to shoot what it feels like? Is it possible to show in a still photograph those feelings that words cannot convey? With motion picture, the sense of motion can help communicate the intangibles, but what about a photo?
Having shot weddings for six years now, I feel like I can finally say with a resounding “yes”, that photos truly can capture how it feels. But I think to that, the caveat is “if you feel it in your heart, it will show in the photograph”.
If you don’t believe me, well, then I can only say that perhaps you are not looking with the right tools. Like Antoine de St. Exupéry said: “what is essential is invisible to the eye”.
As a photographer, the highest level of compliment I receive is when I hear someone say something along the lines of “there is so much love in these photos!” But once in a while I meet potential clients that make me wonder if they had even looked at my work. They seem to care more about capturing only what it looks like.
One of my previous grooms had said to me before: anyone can take a pretty picture. If it was just pretty pictures I wanted, I can take them myself with my phone. But you seem to have a way of capturing those emotions from a wedding day in such a warm and authentic way.
Photographers that I respect often say, show people who you are so that you may attract like-minded people and repel those who don’t agree with you. For a long time I think I was really afraid to do that. I was too scared that if I did that, if I showed people who I really was as an artist, what if no one liked that?
But then I realized that this is what I’ve been doing all along, maybe I’ve never put it so clearly in words before, but my photos definitely showed that. Maybe some people miss that aspect of my work, but that’s ok, because the ones who didn’t get it usually don’t end up working with me anyway. So now I’m putting this out into the universe:
Dear potential client, if you are reading this, don’t hire me to just capture what it looks like, hire me because you want to capture what it feels like.
And to loop back with Spencer’s post, I think our photos can only make people feel something if we captured a feeling in the first place.
2017 has the same 365 days as any other year, and yet it seems to have gone by even faster than before.
The biggest change for me this year is that Mike and I decided to sell our house and almost half of our stuff, put the rest in storage and became “free range humans” or modern day nomads. How did we come to such a seemingly crazy decision? Well, it was a long time in the making really.
When I was young, like most kids, I couldn’t wait to grow up. Becoming an “adult” was the only way I knew I could have the freedom to control my own life.
But somewhere along the way of growing up, I more or less fell into this template that society has laid out for most of us. Like a good kid, I graduated from university, found a steady job and joined the thousands of people who commute to work everyday. But I was living life as if on autopilot, and I asked myself “is there nothing else to life?” If you’ve read my “about page”, then you know the story of how I quit my day job and became a full-time photographer.
It was a life-changing decision. Within a short amount of time, I realized how much happier I felt – being able to decide what to do with my time. By no means is being self-employed easy, but doing something meaningful, something you love makes it worthwhile. The same year that I became a full-time photographer, we went to Iceland for the first time. And it was after this trip that I found myself wondering about being a “travelling photographer”.
Two years after that we spent 3 months away (2 months for Mike) travelling through Australia, New Zealand, Bali and China. I found that I didn’t miss “home” at all. The definition of home for me wasn’t just limited to a square box with a roof over my head anymore. Nor did I miss the convenience of home. The world was just too fascinating, I just wasn’t too concerned about where I showered, where I ate or slept – as long as it was clean and sufficiently comfortable. I liked being on the road and on the move. After this, Mike and I separately arrived at the conclusion that we wanted to do this more. We wanted to see more of the world while we are still healthy and physically able to, while we don’t have the responsibility of raising kids. We didn’t want to just vacation once or twice a year; we wanted to travel long term, for as long as possible.
That was the dream. But was it possible? Maybe the Universe heard us, or maybe we were just looking for it, but we read articles and blog posts like this one, this one, and this one. And we realized that it IS possible. Other people have already done it, and some even do it with kids!
At the time Mike had a full time job where he only had 4 weeks of vacation a year (I know, I know, 4 weeks is a lot but not quite enough for what we wanted to do). We also had this 3-bedroom townhouse in the suburbs, a car, and a townhouse in the city that we were waiting to move into. We owned all this stuff, but often times we felt like they owned us instead. You might not agree with me, and that’s ok because not everyone feels this way. But we definitely did. We had this huge place (huge by our standards) with 3-bedrooms and barely used two of the rooms. The guest bedroom was more like a laundry room and the “office” was never used because I preferred to work downstairs anyway. When it came down to it, there was just a lot of extra space that we didn’t need (not to mention the basement). But then when you have a lot of space, you feel the need to fill it with stuff. And then not only do you have to clean and maintain the house, you also have to maintain all your stuff.
The more you own, the more you are owned. We reached a point where we just didn’t want all this stuff to clutter our life anymore (I also have the Marie Konmari book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up to thank as well). We realized we value experiences and memories more than material possessions. Selling them, at least some of them, was not only the right thing to do financially but also the right thing to do for the lifestyle that we realized we wanted. You can always make more money and buy more things, but you might not get more time.
I don’t have a lot of ambition, and the only one I have is to be able to live freely.
So what does this mean for 2018? Especially if you are one of my 2018 couples reading this – my commitment to my work is still the same. Of course I will be back in Toronto for the weddings I have already booked! But the rest of the times, I may or may not be in town.
All in all, 2017 was a very busy year, but also a very meaningful year. I can’t wait for what 2018 will bring! Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season, and a great year ahead filled with only the things that you love, of all the people that you love, and most of all, purpose and meaning.
It’s never too late to be whatever you want to be. And, “everything is possible, the impossible just takes longer”. (Never thought I would quote Dan Brown, but he knows what he’s talking about).
Here are some of my favourite moments from this past year.
You have come and gone and although there were 365 days just like any other year, it felt like it all went by in the blink of an eye.
I’m not sure where to start really. But maybe I’ll start with this: in April I attended a little workshop put together by the awesome Jenn & Dave Stark (no, not related to anyone from Game of Thrones, I checked), who are not only really talented photographers, but amazing people all-around. As an introvert, I generally don’t love big group interactions. I find them overwhelming. But I’m much better in more intimate settings or one-on-one interactions. Such was the case with the Stark’s workshop. Turns out, there were a few other familiar faces there too. Throughout the workshop, we talked, and I mean, really talked, about running a business and all the little bits and nuances that comes with the territory of being self-employed, being a photographer, being an artist. It was the kind of talk you would have with good friends until the wee hours of the morning. There was a lot of laughter, and also a lot of tears. It was something I sorely needed and I definitely look back to our time together with love and appreciation. I felt so grounded afterwards, in a really good way.
The previous year was a very interesting year. I shot quite a few destination assignments and it was something that I really wanted to do. The year was going well in all sense of the word. Then the wedding season ended and bookings for the 2016 season were really lackluster. And I just couldn’t figure out why. It was beyond frustrating. Worst of all was the sense of “hey I’ve been doing this for a while now, shouldn’t this get easier?” Little by little, with a lot of help from Mike (my wonderful, wonderful other half), friends and some soul searching, I came to the realization that it doesn’t work this way. I had forgotten that your dreams don’t work unless you do. In the end, I picked myself back up and reminded myself to let go of the things that I can’t control, and focus my energy on the things that I can. Blogging my work, making sure my website functions well and is SEO’ed well, submitting work to be featured (link backs!), updating my site (which hadn’t been touched for 2 years) etc.
When I went to the Stark’s workshop I was once again reminded of why I loved photography in the first place: to capture all those fleeting moments of beauty and love that exist in this life of ours; the moments that, in the blink of an eye, disappear forever, with nothing to prove they ever existed. You know what I mean, those moments that are seared into your memory, though some fade a bit over time. In this way, photography is a way of witnessing life.
In life, we always seem to be chasing that next golden nugget. That sense of “if only I have this, then I will be truly happy”. For me, it was chasing after being a destination and international wedding photographer. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But at some point I lost sight of why I loved photography in the first place. It became more about being able to say that I did this, and that. Looking back, I wonder why I didn’t see this earlier. The things that I didn’t care about in my previous life as a 9-5 worker – climbing the corporate ladder, overworking myself, why did I fall into the same trap in this one?
I would still love to photograph couples, people and weddings all around the world. But I’m perfectly ok with photographing them right here at home too. Because the essential things in life don’t change very much no matter where you go. With this in mind, 2016 was a much happier year for me. I felt more content.
Mind you, I still love travelling. I don’t think that will ever change.
Whenever I meet new people and I tell them that I’m a photographer, I always get asked if I still like what I do after 5 years. I have to say, I still do. Even though it isn’t perfect, and nothing is perfect. Not just because I love taking photos, but also because doing what I do is always teaching me new things. I’m always learning new things, heck, I’m forced to learn new things even if I don’t want to. Haha.
2017, I’m ready for you. Bring it on.
Wishing all of you a wonderful year ahead filled with good health, love, laughter, all that you hold close to your heart, and most of all, moments that you want to preserve forever. xo
Ending this long post with a quote that I love, and is oddly appropriate at the start of a new year (then followed by photos):
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late, or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Of the cities that we visited in Australia, Melbourne was definitely our favourite. It was bigger than Brisbane, but smaller than Sydney. It was just the right size really. It has history and really old Victorian houses, hip neighbourhoods, and a very artsy vibe with a youthful energy that was hard not to like. A little sad that we only had two nights there before we continued on a short road trip for the Great Ocean Road.
The Great Ocean Road drive was beautiful. It reminded me a lot of California! So if you like ocean coastal drives, don’t miss this one. One of our favourite experience from this leg was going to Philip Island off the coast to see these little fairy penguins come back from the ocean to their little caves. I don’t have any photos to share because it was very dark when this took place and you are not supposed to use flash photography so as not to traumatize the little guys.
Besides stunning scenery, you’ll also find a few koala bears in the wild if you pay close attention!
Here are some of my favourite travel photography from Melbourne and the Great Ocean Road.
Last year Mike and I took an extended adventure and spent 2 months travelling through Australia, New Zealand and Bali. I’ve finally gotten around to posting some photos from my DSLR (iphone photos are on Instagram), took me long enough, but in my defence, client work always comes first! :) Starting with 3 very short, very very hot days (40 degree celsius + days) in Uluru.
When we planned our trip, we knew that in February it would still be summer in Australia, and that meant that it would be sweltering out in the Red Centre, as it is called. Mike asked if we had to go to Uluru, and my response was that I’m not going half way around the world and not see Uluru! After all, I’m not sure when we’d be back again.
Uluru (or as it used to be called, Ayer’s rock) is probably one of the most recognized location. But just like any photo, you can’t grasp the full scale of something until you see it in person. We did a walk around the base of it and it took 4 hours (granted it was crazy hot and we had to take frequent breaks).
My favourite memory from the short time we spent there was staying at one of the observation areas until after the sun had gone down and along with it, most of the visitors. Then we lied down on a bench and watched as the stars came out and the temperature dropped at least 10 degrees. It is a magical place.
It’s hard for me to write a personal post. Mainly because usually the thoughts in my head are very jumbled up and incoherent. And this post in particular has been a work in progress for quite some time, I think what I really wanted to delve into when I started this was to explore what it is that I love so much about travelling and life on the road.
“Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quietest chambers. The mind can never break off from the journey” – Pat Conroy
I think my earliest traveling experience was probably taking train trips in China from where we lived in Guangzhou to the provinces of where my parents were from. In those days, travelling by train from Guangzhou to Guiyang (where my mom’s hometown is) probably took at least 2 days and 1 night. Now, you can fly the distance in about 1.5 hours and a high speed train will zip you between the two in 4 hours. I have so many fond memories of those train journeys. Although when I recall them with my mom, she likes to remind me how unsavoury it was then to travel by train. The trains were often old, quite dirty in places and very crowded. If you can’t get sleeper berths, you have no choice but to sit through the 2-day-1-night journey.
My favourite thing to do then was to sit by the window and just stare out at the landscapes and scenery: rice fields, lakes, rivers, and always, mountains. This was before air conditioning became a standard feature. Which meant the windows could be opened back then. I would stick my arms out, sometimes my little face, and on a few occasions, dangle my feet out the window. Even now, if I close my eyes, I could still conjure up the feeling of hot, humid wind on my arms, the coolness in the mountain tunnels and the thundering sound, and the smell of those train compartments.
I wondered what it is about those train journeys that I love so much. Maybe it’s because unlike driving, you don’t have to worry about how you’ll arrive at your destination. You are not tied up by the logistics, instead, you are free to just enjoy the ride.
After we moved to Canada in 1999, there was a long period of no travelling because we couldn’t afford it. And in the middle of establishing a home and adapting to a new country and culture, that was probably the furthest thing from our minds. Then in late 2007, my mom called me one day while I was in my university residence: we were going on a cruise! It was a 7-night cruise to west coast Mexico. It was fun, and something I think I sorely needed in my soul; no, not the bottomless buffets (but mind you the food was surprisingly good) or the casino or duty free shopping on board, but simply to move, and to be out there and experience the world, even if it was through a cruise ship. I think that trip had awoken something in me.
After that trip, we started to travel more and more, from one-week trips to two-week sojourns, to a whole month away for our wedding, then 3 months last year for our big adventure. Each trip further cements my love for the road, and each trip we explore further into nature. Reading about these places and seeing photos are not the same as actually experiencing them. Just like being in love, just like life, only when you experience them will they actually leave impressions on you.
“Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.” – Cesare Pavese
Oh but what essential things they are! You don’t realize how little stuff you need in order to be happy, to be content. I travel simply, with as little luggage as possible, and it gives me such a sense of freedom. You are not weighed down by the things you’ve been told you need all your life: a house, a mortgage, a fancy car, too much furniture, another fancy gadget.
There’s nothing wrong with those things per se, but maybe not everyone wants them or needs them in order to live a happy, fulfilling life. I firmly believe that we don’t own the stuff we have, they end up owning us. You buy a house, and all of a sudden you have a mortgage that needs to be paid monthly, you can’t just up and leave one day if you want to. You buy a lot of things, you need to make room for them, you need to tidy them, you need to maintain them. They incur a lot of your time and resources (physical as well as mental). At a certain point, they become noise. Sometimes I think that we collect stuff when really it’s experiences that we want. But for various reasons, we collect stuff instead. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), we have limited ability to collect stuff – not enough room, not enough money etc. But our heart has the capacity to record and remember all the beauty this world has to offer.
Of course, some of us prefer it that way: to be surrounded by things that keep us firmly planted on the ground and rooted to a certain place. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But maybe it’s not for everyone.
We humans are complicated creatures. We crave adventure at the same time that we crave stability and constance. I think in a strange way, travelling satisfies both adventure & constance: you are constantly on the road, but each place brings new experiences.
I read a while ago that people who never want to stop travelling are perhaps running away from something. That really made me think. On the surface, it sure seems that way. Especially the perpetual travellers. But lately I’ve given this a lot of thought. And I think for me, it boils down to how I feel when I’m on the road, and especially in nature. I feel a sense of calm and peace that I don’t feel when I’m “at home” in a square box with four walls and the same daily grind that reduces us to a machine-like state, each day bit by bit, no longer open to the simple beauty the world has to offer outside of our high-tech, high-stress life. I feel connected, and fully present when I’m travelling slowly. When I think about it, the best experiences in life happen when we feel fully present and everything else, including time, just falls away and becomes irrelevant. Like the saying “at that moment, time stood still”.
On an even deeper level, in the past few years, I realized the decisions I’ve made all lead me to one thing: freedom. Quitting my day job to become a wedding photographer, travelling, these things have helped me experience a sense of freedom that I think I’ve always wanted, even as a kid. The freedom to be able to decide what I do with my time, how I live my life; to be the master of my own destiny. There are already so many things in life we can’t control, the two big ones being birth and death. Since the start and the destination are the same, why not have some say over the in-between state we call life?
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
